If Microsoft ran a restaurant, your favorite food would no longer be compatible with your favorite utensils. After messing with it for 45 minutes (during which the wait staff says helpful things like "have you tried going to the restroom?"), you're able to eat just enough to call it a meal. Plus, there's one on every corner...but not quite as many as there were a few years ago.
If Apple ran a restaurant, the decor would be trendy, the music hip, and the menus stylish (although called "Guidebooks" for some reason). The waiters (known as "Prophets") would tell you what to order and how to eat it, while praising your individuality and creativity. You spend most of your time doing anything but actually eating. The bill (or "Greeting Card") would be half again as expensive as a comparable meal elsewhere.
If Ubuntu ran a restaurant, it would be pretty much the same as any other restaurant, just cheaper and faster. You'll need directions to get there. It would be set up like a buffet and there would be a wide variety of food, but it would all taste kinda bland...and you'd have to enter your password every time you take a bite. After it's over, you are filled with an inexplicable feeling of pride that lasts until you're hungry again, at which point you'll probably go somewhere else.
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